"You look"

Imagine this. Imagine you are an engineering student. You decide to learn all about aeronautical engineering. For two years you study lift, drag, wing aspect ratios, and stall speeds. You memorize the fuel storage and delivery systems for all the different planes made. You learn about air foils and the flash point of Jet A-1 fuel. By the end of the 2 years you could take apart and put back together any flying machine made by man. Then, you are sent to the airport to learn in "real life" all about flying planes.

On your first day, you buckle into a Boeing 777 next to the pilot. You greet all the passengers as they file into the cabins. You're feeling great as you get ready to be taught about flight first-hand. The pilot fires up the engine and taxis to the runway and executes a textbook take off. You easily describe to him all the physics behind the thrust and the differential pressure between fast and slow moving streams of air over the wings. Upon reaching cruising altitude, the pilot switches on autopilot and you enjoy the smooth flight. Right about the time for the descent into the destination airport, the captain switches off autopilot and casually tells you to "taker 'er in, buddy" and calmly walks out of the cockpit.

You don't even have time to process what just happened. Immediately, the navigator screams at you for an explanation as to why you haven't radioed ATC for an approach vector. The lead flight attendant barges into the cockpit demanding to know why you haven't given the alert for landing preparations. The Tower is suddenly in your ears barking that you are going way too fast and are way to low to even attempt setting the aircraft down on the runway. An alarm starts whooping in the cockpit and you swear that Stephan Hawking is demanding to know why the landing gear hasn't been deployed yet. Suddenly the pilot peeks his head back in and demands to know why you are taking so "fucking long landing a 10 million dollar airplane full of people". You hear in the background several passengers nervously asking each other "Is this the FIRST TIME he's doing this??!!" You begin to realize that the previous two years of classroom learning has taught you nothing about actually flying an airplane. You stare at all the people glaring at you, expecting someone to give you at least one instruction on what to do. The pilot just sighs deeply and shouts at you to "get the fuck out of my cockpit" and lands the plane himself.

As you exit the aircraft, the dude with the two flashlights shakes his head at you and says: "Motherfucker, did you even go any classes in the last two years?"

That is year three in medical school. Kind of makes sense now why most people die in hospitals.

Best "fuck you" quotes of my first month on the surgery rotation:

I was in a surgery with a very famous neurosurgeon last week. We were removing a lipoma from a 15-year-old girl's back that was on top of her spine.
Me: So Doctor, how can you tell where the tumor ends and the nonpathological tissue begins when you remove this mass?
Neurosurgeon: *sigh* You look.
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My chief resident told me to tie one of the sutures as we were closing after an operation.
Chief: *as he is cutting out the stitch* Yeah, that was a really good knot . That was your last chance at tying with me my friend.
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I was told to put a Foley catheter into the patient just after she was anesthetized and before the operation was to begin. I had a little trouble placing it, but managed to get it in. I think I worked at it for about 5 minutes.
Resident: Congratulations, it only took you a half an hour to put that Foley in.
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Vascular Surgeon: How long are you here until? Friday? Damn, it's only Tuesday and already I'm sick of you.
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Neurosurgeon: I'll let you in my OR today, but that's all, I don't like your face.
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Chief of Pediatric Surgery: Patient comes in complaining of rectal bleeding. Craig, what do you do?
Me: Do a rectal exam.
Chief of Pediatric Surgery: Shouldn't you talk to the patient first? My God, what are you like on dates?