"You just couldn't hold it, could you?"

It's 4:30 PDT, I just finished having my ass handed to me in foosball, and I'm deep into my second pint of Guinness. Did I mention that I'm still at work? Being a short-timer is fun!!

Today was pretty productive on the whole transition to med school front. I got my moving company all lined up. I think I am going to go with "City-to-City" a division of "Door-to-Door" moving and storage company. They are going to drop off a "pod" at my house on August 8th, I'll pack it full o' stuff, and then they'll pick it up and ship it to New Jersey. It is supposed to get there in 2 weeks. I told the sales lady on the phone that I hope my bass guitar and I don't get stuck in the "pod" and have to have roadies come and open it up with cutting torches. She didn't get it. It's going to run me $1700 for them to get all my stuff out there, whereas U-Haul was going to be $1800 and I would have to drive the fucker myself, gas the fucker myself and stay in seedy motels along the way. Though I am going regret missing the seedy motels, this way I can buy a dirt-cheap one-way Jet Blue ticket to NY and have a few more days in sunny CA. Once the "pod" is out there I will have to rent a truck for the day to get all my stuff from NJ to the Bronx, but it's only 13 miles so it should be no big deal.

I also went back into deferment on my previous student loan. I have a pretty small balance left (well, for 10 years worth of student loans, it's pretty small), but I figured if Uncle Sam is willing to foot the interest while I am in school, I should really take him up on it. The people at Great Lakes Higher Education Corporation were so nice to me on the phone it was amazing. Seriously, unless someone starts trying to screw me, writing this blog is going to get really challenging.

Pssshhhht!!!!

I know what you are asking, dear reader: "What was that sound? Have you just cracked open your third Guinness?"

No, as a matter of fact I have not. The break room fridge is currently out of Guinness so I have switched over to Newcastle Brown Ale. I will have to taper off after this one, though, or that 20 mile bike ride home will prove arduous. Unless...I could fill my Camel Back with a few pints of Newcastle.

I now realize that I may have just acted without prudent forethought. I am currently drinking my third beer, after which I am going to head home on a 90 minute bike ride. The problem, you see, is that I have a notoriously weak bladder.

For as long as I can remember, I have had problems with this, particularly after drinking beer. I remember one night during grad school I was going to go see the David Bowie/Nine Inch Nails concert in Phoenix's Desert Sky Pavilion. My friends and I left from Tucson after I drank 2 beers. Honestly, TWO BEERS. I stupidly broke the seal before we left and in those 2 hours, I had to stop 3 times to pee. On the last stop, I very nearly soiled the front seat of the car.

Then there was my 35th birthday. I had a softball game that night and afterward, my teammates and I stayed at the club for a few beers. I wasn't driving so I helped myself to a modestly greedy proportion of the purchased pitchers. My friend drove me home and about half way to my house (read: 15 minutes into the trip), I had to ask her to take the next exit. We got onto the frontage road and it was pretty dark, so I just jumped out of the car and whipped it out and let fly. No big deal, right? We men do this all the time. I finished up, hopped back in the car, she pulled a U-turn and headed back to the highway. Just as she was finishing the U-turn, the rollers came on behind us. They were CHiPs man, Baker and Ponch, the Nazi's of law enforcement. So she pulled over and as we waited for the trooper to get to the car all I could do was look over at her and say,

"I am 35 today. Arguably, I am now middle-aged. I am going to get a public urination ticket on my 35th birthday."

The cop came to the window and looked over at me and said "You just couldn't hold it, could you?"

"Nope, sorry"

He ran both of our licenses for warrants and let me go with a warning to "show more respect to our highways in the future." Yeah, like the choice between peeing on the road and fouling my friend's car as if it were a a port'o-let doesn't decide itself. As he handed my license back to me he said "Happy birthday."

So anyway, here I am, three beers in and I've broken my seal about 15 minutes ago. I currently face a 90 minute bike ride along busy freeways, in broad daylight, wearing nothing but tight biking shorts. These truly are the Weak Bladder Blues.